Case Description
A man in his early 30s, married for a few years, reports an escalating marriage. On the day of the planned move into a new apartment, there was physical violence from his wife: his hand was caught in the door, and he has strangulation marks on his neck. The incident was documented at the hospital. She denies him access to their son and accuses him of infidelity, even though this is not true. He is physically weakened, as he barely eats or sleeps. A few months ago, he also lost his mother. He says: “This year, I lost my mom and my current family. I just can’t go on anymore.”
My Response
Your heart is carrying a burden right now that is almost unbearable. The death of your mother, the wounds in your marriage, the fear for your child—all of this is tearing you apart. No one can make the pain smaller, but Christ can carry it with you.
Jesus knows what it means to be abandoned and hurt by those closest to him. Yet he remained faithful, without hatred, and his faithfulness redeemed the world. That’s why it’s important that you protect your heart from bitterness. The temptation is great to see only retaliation and revenge. But the way of Jesus is different: truth and love together.
It is right to protect yourself and your child and to seek help when violence occurs. But beyond that, you may also believe in something even greater: that God himself can renew hearts and even heal marriages. Augustine writes that God can bring a greater good out of every evil.
Marriage is a sacred covenant. Even when it is shaken in the darkest hours, it remains something holy before God. That’s why it is good that you are not giving up right away. Reconciliation is hard, but it is possible if both open themselves to God. That means: talking, listening, respecting each other, seeing each other again as children of God. A marriage can not only be repaired, it can be sanctified when Christ becomes its center.
Paul says: “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you!” (Col 3:13). This is not cheap comfort, but an invitation to a love that goes deeper than the wounds.
Perhaps it takes time, distance, conversations with counselors or therapists. Perhaps it even takes a miracle. But don’t forget: God is greater than your wounds. If he wills, he can build a new house out of ruins.
So place your heart, your wife, and your child in his hands. Ask him for the grace not to hate, but to love; not to destroy, but to build up. For Christ came “not to judge the world, but to save the world” (John 12:47).
In the end, this remains: Some paths cannot be healed immediately, some wounds remain open. But if, in this distress, you do not live for revenge but for the good, then your suffering has meaning. For it is better to suffer for the good than to take guilt upon yourself. Your heart does not belong to hatred, but to love. If you open yourself to this love, you will find more strength in it than you could ever draw from yourself. Give your heart to where it can no longer be betrayed—and you will discover that even in the darkest suffering, new life can grow.